


Eigengrau

by TwoCoffeeSpoons



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: 2P-ish, Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Angst, Conspiracy, Crimes & Criminals, Drama, Family Drama, Kink Meme, M/M, Murder, Mystery, Organized Crime, Revenge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-02 04:31:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6551107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoCoffeeSpoons/pseuds/TwoCoffeeSpoons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Started on Hetalia Kink, this is an organized crime (ish) story. Rome (Romae) dies. Germania (Adolphus) uses this as a hopping off point to destroy Rome's legacy. Ludwig finds himself undercover to make sure things don't work out for the Vargas family. Everything is well planned, except he didn't expect a problem quite like Feliciano being so...likeable. Things start to fall apart from there and nothing is quite as black and white as Ludwig was lead to believe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was an experiment and obviously a departure from my usual fare. I am strangely fond of it, but it needs quite a bit of revision to reach a satisfactory ending. I'm kind of excited to try. So drama and angst, ahoy!

They made their move the day of the Romae Vargas’ funeral.

If anyone had asked Ludwig, he would have voiced his distaste for their timing, but no one did. Typically people told Ludwig what his opinion was going to be. Most days he preferred it that way, it made things simple. Yet some emotion curled through his stomach when he glanced at the Vargas brothers. Feliciano looked devastated; Lovino looked furious. Ludwig had never been this close to either of them.

They were close enough that Ludwig could have killed them then and there, and probably with ease.

He pushed the thought aside. That wasn’t what had been ordered, and it would have been mutually destructive. He was at the back of the crowd, but there was no doubt more Vargas people in the treeline. All of them part of Romae’s cult of personality which made them loyal and above all, vicious.  
Of course, his passing left a vacuum of power and it was revealing the cracks in their foundation. Ludwig’s very presence at the funeral was proof of this. He didn’t know who the inside man, or more likely inside men were. It was probably better if he didn’t know. Someone had set him up to be fast tracked into their inner circle. His stomach twisted again, and he wondered if he was just overheated. The sun was intense and with so many people in their funeral best and in close quarters, the area was sweltering. 

Thankfully, the ceremony seemed to be reaching its end. 

They started to lower the coffin and Feliciano began to sob in earnest, his legs started to give and his brother sunk with him. The crowd pressed forward to throw things into the grave and Ludwig lost sight of the brothers. It was well enough, he didn’t need to see them in their moment of weakness. People began to peel off towards the line of cars, and Ludwig followed. He knew he was supposed to be in the second limo in line, it was Feliciano’s transportation for the day. He had a cover story for his sudden appearance , but the day had been chaotic and he suspected no one would notice. At least one other person who would be in the vehicle was technically working with him anyway.

Ludwig settled himself into a corner facing the door and checked his weapons out of habit. He was unexpectedly nervous, the proverbial they didn’t call Feliciano ‘The Butcher’ for no reason. However, Ludwig had a hard time picturing the slight, sobbing young man as a threat.  
He sat up straighter when he heard voices approaching, the door was yanked open and men began to pile into the car. A few regarded him with curiosity, but not hostility, one couldn’t look at anything but his shoes. _That_ wouldn’t do, feeling guilty and looking guilty needed to be kept firmly apart in such a delicate situation. Ludwig would have to speak with Adolphus. They waited for what felt like an eternity and then Feliciano and one last man got in the car. Feliciano looked near collapse and several men fidgeted like they wanted to say something but no one did. Without raising his head he rapped sharply on the divider and the car began to move.

“I hope all of you are hungry. The restaurant is bought out for the evening and I would hate to waste Lovino’s money. What am I saying? I know you bastards love to eat.” Feliciano gave them all a weak smile. Everyone except Ludwig laughed, though it was appropriately subdued. With the tension broken , various conversations began. Ludwig ignored them and studied Feliciano who had hung his head again. He was looking up at Ludwig through his eyelashes, he was handsome. Which was something Ludwig could note with detachment he wondered how many people ruined themselves by getting duped for a handsome face. Feliciano sat back and whispered something to the man on his right. Instinctively Ludwig’s hand flexed for the gun in his jacket and Feliciano snorted.  
“Relax, Ludwig, was it? I was just asking how a strange man got into my limo. I’m wary of stranger danger, as are we all. If you’re always this tense, you’ll die young.”  
There was levity to the statement but a slight threat, or a challenge. Feliciano was smiling and the crinkled nose and tilted head reduced any sinister undertone. That was probably his angle, he could wear a mask of kindness if he wanted. He could have Ludwig ripped apart with a gesture too.

Ludwig took the challenge, “With all due respect Mr. Vargas, men in your employ die young regardless.  
There was a half beat of silence and then Feliciano laughed. If that was a test , then Ludwig passed, because he found himself soon forgotten.Feliciano turned his attention to his phone after that and Ludwig relaxed as much as he ever did. Adolphus would be pleased. He had been hesitant to put Ludwig into this kind of operation. Ludwig was a good tactician, he was better with weapons, and his people skills were lacking. This kind of thing was more in Gilbert’s wheelhouse but Gilbert had been deemed too brash for this particular assignment. It was unusual for Ludwig to not know where his brother was for such a long period of time but he suspected he was close. The role reversal did give Ludwig pause, the shadows were much more his comfort zone but Adolphus had said this was better. Ludwig believed him, he never steered Ludwig wrong. Adolphus had been planning this moment for years, the only thing he hadn’t planned was cancer and not a bullet ending Romae.

As his illness progressed he had stopped being a worthy opponent, and there was a large slip operations before his Grandsons began to run the show. They had proved to be just as efficient, brutal and charming as Romae was at his peak , though Ludwig had his doubts they could hold on to it as a team. Dual leadership created divides and it was possible they would destroy themselves internally, but for now things were running smoothly again which Adolphus couldn’t allow.

Ludwig could--would--do this for Adolphus.

His deep thought ended when the car stopped. Two guards climbed out ahead and surveyed the street then waved Feliciano out, everyone else followed. He wasn’t surprised that they were at one of the most expensive restaurants in Valencia, they were known for excess. Everything was draped in black and the lights had been dimmed for the occasion. The low light in combination with the sheer amount of people crowding in made Ludwig nervous. He chose a seat at Feliciano’s table that faced the door.

Feliciano’s mood had brightened considerably at the prospect of food. Though it may have been a put on because once it arrived he mostly pushed it around his plate. He did attack the wine with some enthusiasm. Grief could change people, or so it had been explained to Ludwig. He suspected in the coming weeks or months that he would be lying in wait Feliciano would become a much different person. A cold and calculating boogeyman instead of a sullen man who was acting like a child.  
By the end of dinner Feliciano could barely sit up in his chair, let alone stand under his own power. Somehow Ludwig found himself supporting Feliciano as they headed for the door. Feliciano was a little too far gone to realize who was half-carrying, half-dragging him, which struck Ludwig as unusually trusting for someone in his position. Of course, he had the reasonable assumption of safety considering the crowd. Reaching the car was tedious, between Feliciano's stumbling and his desire to speak to everyone they passed. Ludwig was glad to finally reach it and dump him, not exactly gently, in side. He stood guard by the door waiting for the rest of the entourage to come out and nearly jumped out of his skin when the door struck him in the back.

“I--” Feliciano started, before unceremoniously vomiting. Then he started laughing, or crying, making some kind of inbetween noise really, with increasing hysteria while he tried to wipe his face with his coat sleeve.

‘He’s pathetic.’Ludwig thought uneasily, ‘How am I supposed to _kill_ him?’


	2. Chapter 2

Getting Feliciano home had been difficult, getting him out of bed was torture. Feliciano’s crew seemed used to it; they sprawled around his penthouse like they owned the pace. Ludwig had half a mind to tell them all to sit up straight, and be more alert. He had no real interest in Feliciano’s well being and besides were several stories up, so he held his tongue. The penthouse was likely impenetrable to threats,unless they were invited to sit down with them. Ludwig thought the furniture looked too expensive to sit on, so he stood. Feliciano had been moving around upstairs for over an hour, but hadn’t graced them with his presence. By Ludwig’s watch the shower had turned off thirty-seven minutes ago. How long could it possibly take one man to get dressed?

He decided that in another ten minutes he was going to march up the stairs and knock, or possibly drag Feliciano out by the hair. He didn’t keep a schedule but Ludwig didn’t like to be idle. The door to his bedroom swung open with exactly one minute and forty seconds left of  the countdown. Feliciano had a towel wrapped around his head, and he was still barefoot and struggling to button his shirt correctly. He swept past Ludwig without acknowledgement.  He smelled like bowl of tropical fruit and Ludwig vaguely imagined poisoning his hair products. Ludwig ran through German conjugations in his head. It was a complicated  language and ground down his temper.

He took measured steps into the kitchen and saw Feliciano trying to open a bag of coffee with a knife that didn’t belong in a kitchen. Ludwig didn’t drink coffee, caffeine was a drug; drugs were crutches for the weak. No one else felt that way because they crowded around the minute the electric kettle beeped. Feliciano plucked a mug from a cabinet that proclaimed him #1 Boss and hopped onto his counter like a child. Apparently coffee was a complicated ritual, and the whole thing took another miserable 20 minutes. When they finally did walk down to the cars, Feliciano waved a guy out of a center seat in one SUV and pointed at Ludwig, and then at the empty spot.

At least they realized the danger in sitting on the street for too long and they were moving as soon as the doors slammed. The Vargas’ had more enemies than it was possible to list, some of whom weren’t very organized but drive by shootings could be effective.

Feliciano obviously wasn’t worried, he had tilted his seat back and very dark sunglasses were perched on his face. Ludwig imagined the man had quite the hangover, so he wasn’t prepared when Feliciano spoke.

“Ludwig, tell me about yourself.”

It was obviously not a request, but Ludwig was at a loss for words.

Feliciano raised the sunglasses to stare at him, “ Seriously. Just one thing, it will be fun.” He swatted Ludwig’s arm like an overeager child.

“ I can clean my gun in the dark.” Ludwig said flatly. Which earned him another slap and Ludwig imagined snapping Feliciano’s wrist.

“ No! Something personal, I want to get to know you. Here I’ll help: What’s your favorite book?”

Ludwig’s mind spun, he hadn’t prepared for anything like this, when his mouth opened a kernel of truth slipped out, “On War.” It was the only book he could recall reading for enjoyment, well and business. He had learned not every war was won with brute force.

“Okay that sounds fake, or at the very least cheating” Feliciano huffed, “ I mean a novel, something that moved you.”

“Maybe it did move me.” Nothing moved him.

“ That sounds fake, but okay. Let’s try music, everyone likes music.”

Ludwig had studied classical music, once, for an operation that had gone very, very wrong. At least he could answer questions about it, “I enjoy classical music.”

“Be specific.”

“Wagner, I find that-”

“You know what? Save whatever canned response you were starting,” Feliciano interjected, “First of all Wagner is bombastic, unmitigated shit. Just listen to an Italian opera, or just an opera in Italian and you will figure that out quickly. If you can’t think of something interesting then by all means sit there and brood. I’ve lost interest.”

True to his word, Feliciano did not talk to Ludwig again during the ride. Ludwig was equal parts relieved and uncomfortable he hadn’t prepared for every possibility before he had begun.  He made a note to figure out how to make small talk so that his persona wasn’t so two dimensional. Gilbert would not have made this mistake; Gilbert had so much fake personality at this point that Ludwig didn’t know where the lies ended , and the truth began.

When they finally came to a halt, they were in front of quaint little restaurant. Ludwig was puzzled, Feliciano and Lovino did not do their own shakedowns very often, they weren’t even in their territory. His confusion dissolved into annoyance when they walked in one door and were ushered out the other onto a patio that was otherwise closed. Almost instantly food was arriving. This was the longest morning of Ludwig’s life, did they do this daily? Feliciano sipped at a mimosa, and hummed in pleasure when he bit into the frittata they had brought for him. Watching him drink _again_ after last night made Ludwig’s stomach turn.

Ludwig put a modest portion of toast and eggs on his plate. It was a little too rich for his tastes, and he didn’t drink. There was no reason to drink at all, let alone before noon. When the bill arrived Feliciano didn’t glance at it before handing his credit card to the waitress with a wink. She pinkened; Ludwig flushed but only because he had seen the bill. Feliciano lived a life of excess, Ludwig could never imagine paying that for food. Adolphus had made sure he and Gilbert were fed, and that they had essentials, but something like this was out of the question.Ludwig doubted he would have enjoyed it, but he had, as a child,wondered what his life would look like if Romae hadn’t turned on Adolphus. He could have been an empty headed thing with more money than sense; what it would be like to have a family, and own dogs, and have expensive toys. It wasn’t what he wanted now, and he had never told Adolphus that even then. It would have earned him a smack across the mouth at best, Adolphus didn’t like silly thoughts. He also didn’t want to hear any of Ludwig’s questions about his parents; Adolphus was their uncle and Ludwig should be grateful that someone took them in. Ludwig had outgrown those feelings. He let them turn into resentment for their enemy. Adolphus did not foster a sense of community amongst his element like Romae had. Ludwig thought it was better that way. They competed, and more got done. There was no reason to get attached to someone who may have been dead by the next day, it wasn’t cold; it was practical..

It was nearly another hour before they were back on the road. Ludwig had no idea what Feliciano even did during the day. As Ludwig understood it Lovino was in charge of the vast majority of the business operations of Valencia’s most powerful family. What Feliciano did when violence wasn’t the answer was unknown. As far as Ludwig could tell, it was nothing. Feliciano flitted in and out stores buying things and scaring shop owners. Well maybe it was just the name that scared them, Feliciano was as threatening as a kitten. He doubted any of the shop owners had ever seen a picture of his work. Ludwig was not squeamish but that the photos had given him nightmares. It was called degloving when it was an accident, and flaying when  you did it on purpose and either way it wasn’t something you wanted to happen while you were alive. One thing he did notice was how much extra merchandise was getting shoved into his bags. He supposed that was the only way some of them could pay. It seemed odd to Ludwig to patronize and also threaten the owners for goods. He wondered if Feliciano was money laundering or just trying to look like his business was legitimate. Whatever the play was the SUV was so packed with bag and parcels that there wasn’t room for someone to sit in the back seat by the end of it. Ludwig and Feliciano were effectively alone. Feliciano had still not spoken to him. There were on their way back to penthouse when Feliciano finally addressed him, picking up right where he left on.

“So if you don’t read, and you don’t listen to music, what do you do?” Feliciano was rummaging through a box of sweets.

Ludwig was honest again, “I hurt people.”

He tried to gauge Feliciano’s reaction, but Feliciano was doggedly sorting out things in the box by color.

“Oh. I do that too but I don’t enjoy it. Do you?”

“No.” That was true too, Feliciano made his head spin, “But it is sometimes necessary.”

“That’s true, I guess.” Feliciano had spoken so quietly it was hard to understand, then, “Is it necessary to hurt good people?”

“There is no such thing as a good person.”

Feliciano made a harsh but amused noise at that, “ You certainly are honest. Ride with me again tomorrow?” It was rhetorical, but Ludwig nodded all the same. “Great! Maybe by then you can think of a movie you like.” Feliciano was suddenly chipper again, but Ludwig saw cracks in the facade.

He knew exactly how to play this one out. It would take time, but sometimes these things did. Feliciano was a vulnerable personality, Ludwig knew he could rip him apart in more than one way. Maybe getting into his head could gain him valuable information as well. He just had to figure out how to keep Feliciano out of _his_.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is not wise to look up a de-gloving injury if you are even vaguely squeamish. Just FYI.


	3. Chapter 3

His plan wasn’t going quite the way he had hoped, things made less sense to him daily. It had been nearly a month of banality, decadence, and sightseeing. He wasn’t used to doing nothing. He had patience with a rifle, but a rifle gave him something to focus on. He thought maybe Adolphus was trying to teach him something , but he couldn’t figure out what. He was starting to get restless and restless could lead to careless. So he did what he could to get rid of his excess energy in Feliciano’s dusty but functional gym. There wasn’t equipment really just a sprung hardwood floor that Feliciano insisted he not wear shoes on. Feliciano was a dancer, but out of practice; it was hard for Ludwig to imagine someone who tended to trip over nothing dancing. Occasionally, he was Ludwig’s audience. It had taken Ludwig longer than it should have to understand  _ why.  _ It wasn’t like they were speaking during it, but Ludwig had been wiping the sweat off his face with his shirt, and noticed Feliciano trying to look like he wasn’t looking. They had locked eyes. Feliciano had smiled in a way that made Ludwig tingle in embarrassment, and in ways he didn’t want to examine too closely. 

The next day there was a wrapped box with very nice athletic clothes waiting for him, and a little tight for aerobics. So he did yoga instead, he was fairly flexible. He felt a little dirty, but mostly triumphant when Feliciano had excused himself with his jacket draped over his front. It was all mind games, but he wasn’t sure who was playing who. When he had gone to his nearly barren, and fake, apartment he tried not to think of Feliciano thinking about him. Then he dreamed that Feliciano had confronted him for being a liar, then fucked him at gunpoint. He had woken up hard, and ashamed, but he took care of the problem all the same. Arousal was normal, though maybe less normal when what made him come was the last image he remembered in the dream; Feliciano pushing the gun into his mouth and telling him to suck.

He had claimed to be too sick to work that day.

Feliciano had had food delivered from a place that didn’t usually deliver, and flowers, and a movie which he ordered Ludwig to watch. Ludwig had watched it, and actually liked it. Which worried him in three ways:Feliciano was more observant than he let on, Ludwig was more transparent than he thought, it was a psychological thriller about an undercover agent with Lima Syndrome, or Stockholm Syndrome depending on who the viewer thought was really in charge. A quick search revealed it had been wildly popular, and up for a few awards, so Ludwig was convinced it was just a coincidence. 

He returned an appropriate amount of time later for his cover story which set up his next move nicely. Putting just enough laxatives into two of the four night crew’s coffees to make them stay home.

He had figured out quickly that the security wasn’t as lazy or flawed as he had originally assessed it. They worked in tightly rotating shifts that rarely left Feliciano a moment alone. A fact Feliciano seemed to relish but would have made Ludwig exhausted. Just being around so many people so many hours a day was exhausting for him now. Feliciano tried to order him to be more friendly, but Ludwig didn’t make friends,ever. He also had no people skills. So when the night crew was short it didn’t stand out to anyone that he volunteered to take a spot. At least at night he could look for any weaknesses more openly. He would be patrolling while Feliciano slept after all. 

So he found himself pacing the upstairs hallway while the others played a quiet but intense card game in the kitchen. They had offered him a spot in their game, which he had declined. He didn’t know how to play, and added that he was working. They laughed and said he was too serious. He left them to it and spent the first half of the night working out, before he started actively trying to find any flaws in the penthouse itself. 

At two-thirty he heard the first scream.

It was strangled and terrified. The second was loud, and contained about half of a ‘help’, a crash, and then the sounds of struggles. Ludwig froze and weighed his options: he could hope whatever was happening was fatal, or be the conquering hero and cement his loyalty. The struggle continued behind the door and he wondered how the hell someone had managed to get in without anyone noticing. Inside job? That would be convenient, and maybe give him valuable information into what Romae’s death was doing to the organization. Or he could just be done with all of this and slip off into the shadows.

The next shriek sounded pained, and Feliciano was  _ begging _ . Ludwig punched in the passcode without a thought then. He was tensed for a fight, but no fight presented itself. It was just Feliciano ,tangled in his sheets, and  half-crouched on the floor.His eyes were wide, and tracking something that wasn’t there. He swiped at nothing, and lost his balance.

“Feliciano?” Ludwig said slowly.

It didn’t snap Feliciano out of it, it just made him scramble backwards.

“It’s just a--well I’m not sure. But no one is here but you, and me.” Ludwig sighed, and turned to leave. This was none of his affair. Only then, Feliciano began to sob in earnest and he reconsidered. He didn’t want to have to hear it all night. It would only take a few seconds to shake him awake. He grabbed Feliciano’s shoulder and before he could speak Feliciano had ahold of his sleeve, and a knife was at his throat. It was an awkward angle, but he knew with one wrong move his mission would be a spectacular failure.

“Feliciano,” he said carefully. He didn’t get a response Feliciano wasn’t really looking at him, just  _ around _ , and his eyes were so wide Ludwig could see his whites through the dim light through the curtains. He was breathing heavy, but irregular like he was sleeping.

“Feliciano,” he said again voice pitching up a little in desperation it was starting to sting, and he wasn’t sure if it was sweat or blood dripping down his throat. “It’s Ludwig your--friend--I’m not trying to hurt you.” Or not right now, he added mentally. He certainly wasn’t his friend. He couldn’t dwell on that now, it was getting hard to breath normally.  So he just repeated himself, over and over. He used the voice one used on a child, or in Ludwig’s experience a frightened dog. Feliciano relaxed just enough that Ludwig was able to swat at the knife, or rather Feliciano’s wrist. It was the kind of blow that was made to numb as much as it hurt. 

The knife dropped, but not before biting into his palm. Feliciano recoiled, and Ludwig stumbled back applying pressure to his hand. Feliciano was still gasping, but was definitely awake, but disoriented. His hand patted the ground for the switch to the floor lamp, and he looked dazedly at the knife, the state of his room, and at Ludwig’s bleeding hand. They locked eyes for a long moment.Feliciano took several deep breaths in through his nose, and out through his mouth, “Is it bad?” His voice was rough. He kept taking those deep breaths, and was digging his thumb into the space where his wrist was inevitably going to bruise.

“It isn’t.” Ludwig held his eyes, but held out his uninjured hand to help Feliciano stand.

“Come here.” Feliciano gestured at the bathroom where he splashed water on his face, before he tended to Ludwig’s hand. He cleaned it, and wrapped gauze around it with a surprisingly precise technique. He didn’t meet Ludwig’s eyes, “I’m assuming they didn’t warn you? I think they find it a little funny. Sort of a hazing ritual. It isn’t usually this bad. There all done.” He gave the bandage a little kiss, and held onto Ludwig’s hand for longer than was necessary; held it until Ludwig pulled it back himself.

He gestured at Ludwig to follow him, and collected his sheets off the floor and frowned at his broken lamp. He went rummaging in the nightstand, and retrieved a pill bottle he shook a few pills out and swallowed them dry. He climbed into his bed and curled up and was quiet for such a long time, Ludwig thought he was asleep again. Ludwig turned off the lamp, and was about to leave.

“Hmm please stay.” Feliciano said sleepily pointing at the chair in the corner.

“Do you require something further?”

“Yes, you to stay. It helps. Drag the chair closer.”

Ludwig did what he was told, and dragged the chair about half the distance from the wall to the bed. Feliciano waved him closer, and closer again. When he sat down his knees were brushing the bed.

“Perfetto.” Feliciano yawned, and before long he was snoring.

Ludwig wondered how long he should wait before sneaking way but his adrenaline rush was fading and that made him sleepy. His eyes started to droop; he thought it would be safe to just close them for a minute.

He woke because there was a gun being jabbed into his back. Two threats in five hours wasn’t a record for him, but it was disconcerting.

“Who the fuck are you?”

Ludwig sat up as much as the person stabbing his back with the gun would allow. Feliciano was sitting with his back to Ludwig and Lovino was standing there with his arms crossed.

“Lovi, I told you. He’s new. What the hell--”

“Don’t call me that, and I didn’t ask you.”

Feliciano stiffened almost imperceptibly, “Answer his Ludwig.”

Ludwig tried not to squirm when he gun dug in hard right above his kidney, “Ludwig, I’m new.” Feliciano laughed sharply, and Lovino narrowed his eyes.

“Aren’t you hilarious? Would you still feel mouthy if I had Carmen shoot you in the spine right now?”

Ludwig didn’t press his luck by pointing out that Carmen wasn’t aiming at his spine, but it would be fatal either way so he kept his mouth shut.

“Carmen, knock it off.” Feliciano tossed over his shoulder. The gun lifted a little.

“Carmen don’t listen to him. He is not your goddamn boss.”

“I don’t know Lovi, he seems serious. He’s so frightening when he is angry.” Carmen had the kind of accent that wasn’t traceable, but beautiful all the same. She looked beautiful in pictures too, and on Lovino’s arm, but it didn’t make her less deadly.

“Yeah  _ Lovi  _ , you hate it when I get angry.” Feliciano crossed his arms to match Lovino’s .

“You are both complete assholes.” Lovino muttered, before waving his hand vaguely the gun lifted entirely.

Ludwig stood quickly enough that the chair toppled, and whirled to face Carmen. The gun was still pointed at him, but her finger wasn’t on the trigger. Her eyes glittered with amusement, or challenge, or general instability from what Ludwig knew of her. She was shorter than him but held her head at an angle that made him feel smaller than her. She holstered her gun, and held out her hand like she expected him to kiss it, she giggled when he didn’t.

“Out, both of you.” Lovino snapped.

Ludwig edged towards the door, not turning his back on Carmen. He glanced at Feliciano, who nodded, before he stepped into the hall. Before the door was fully closed the room exploded in an argument. Ludwig would have liked to eavesdrop but the Italian was too rapid for him to make any of it out.

“I do hope they don’t come to blows. They are like cats, those two, hard to separate. I think if Lovino’s nose gets broken one more time it won’t set at all, he already snores like you wouldn’t believe. You know if they fix your nose in surgery they change the shape, and his face is so perfect. So strong.” Carmen pouted a little, Ludwig ignored her.

For all its force the argument ended quickly, and Lovino left in a hurry. Carmen blew Ludwig a sarcastic little kiss over a finger gun, before falling in behind him. They hurried down the stairs which was probably fortunate, as the already broken bedside lamp came flying out behind them.

Feliciano stormed out , and started violently punching buttons on the keypad, presumably to change the code. “I’m sorry, Lovino is an asshole.”

Ludwig was intensely uncomfortable to see there were tears streaking down his face.

He had no idea what to say, “Everyone fights with their brothers.”

“Do you have a brother?” Feliciano scrubbed at his face.

“Yes, we haven’t spoken in a long time.” Ludwig screamed at himself internally, he should have said no but at least the second part set him up to not have to answer too many questions.

“I would say that sounds nice, but while there are better brothers than Lovino,he’s the only one that’s mine. Go downstairs. I’ll be down soon to discuss with everyone just when they should let people in the door.” Feliciano smiled, or tried to, he really just twisted his face. It made Ludwig’s chest hurt, it just looked so...wrong.“Oh, and thank you for staying last night.” Feliciano brushed his arm with the tips of his fingers before walking into the bedroom and slamming the door.

Ludwig retreated down the stairs, trying to avoid the glass everywhere. He didn’t succeed really just scattered it more. He wondered what all of that was about. It wasn’t until Feliciano had gotten done chewing everyone out that he realized he wasn’t curious about the fight for sake of strategy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I changed Spain into Fem!Spain, this is too much of a sausage fest and I like the ~get you a girl who can do both~ aspect of it all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story only gets more and more dramatic the more I "edit" it. It's ridiculous, but I have fun with the melodrama.

Business events were, by design, equal parts boring and brainless. Ludwig found it nerve wracking, he was incapable of small talk and used to standing to the side. The ballroom at The Valencia Hotel didn’t have places to hide, and not everyone seemed to realize he was just a security detail. His one job was to trail Feliciano at a respectful distance. This was harder than it sounded, Feliciano was right at home flitting around, laughing too loud, and snatching drinks and hors d’oeuvres. 

At ease, but not happy if Ludwig was reading him right. Reading people wasn’t Ludwig’s forte but he liked to think he could tell Feliciano’s moods at a glance. It was a certain posture, a glaze in his eyes, endless fussing with his shirt cuffs. Ludwig was uncomfortable knowing him that well, but Adolphus told him to hold steady. This was a job that Gilbert should have done, he would have fit in here. The gala was to honor donors to the hospital which the Vargas family did annually. Their philanthropic efforts were largely self serving, but the hospital didn’t question it. Romae did this before he fell ill, he was charismatic. It really should have been Lovino drawing all the attention, the donation was now in his name, but he was as charismatic as a beehive and there was only so much Carmen could do to balance it. So schmoozing had been delegated to Feliciano. Feliciano who---who Ludwig had lost sight of. 

He cursed and pushed through the crowd ignoring squawks of surprise. He wasn’t panicked, he _ didn’t  _ panic. His heartrate was picking up as he scanned the crowd, it really wasn’t his problem he wasn’t some loyal Vargas dog. He was probably just getting immersed in the role; Gilbert said that happened to him sometimes. It was completely normal, he told himself as he searched the bathroom. He just prided himself on a job well done. 

He was starting to feel lightheaded.

He was about to call in reinforcements when he noticed one of the curtains was stirring by a balcony access. He half jogged to it; relieved to find Feliciano sitting on the railing his shoeless feet swinging. He had a tray of food.

“Shut the door before someone notices” Feliciano smiled slightly but didn’t look up from his conquest, “ They keep these locked which is really a waste of architecture but we can’t have Joe Millionaire plunging down.”

“How did you get out here?”

Feliciano laughed and produced a lock pick out of his sleeve, “I’m a fucking boyscout. I needed some air, fuck the rules I have money. Besides, you’d never let me fall. Or jump.”

“Get off the railing.” Ludwig didn’t like the tone in Feliciano’s voice, he took half a step forward. Feliciano leaned back at a dangerous angle, and gave him the sweetest smile. Ludwig grabbed one of his feet in mid-swing, “ _ Get off of the railing _ .”

“Make me.” He let the tray slide off, they were very high up.

Ludwig held onto his leg until he was close enough to pull him off by the arms, Feliciano laughed. He was always laughing no matter how serious it was. 

He sat on the ground, and patted next to him , “Have a seat.”

Ludwig did, “Why do you do this?”

“So you’ll come be my hero.” He faked a swoon.

“I’m not anyone’s hero.”

“Why not? You’re protective, smart, just a little dangerous, and handsome.” He leaned into Ludwig’s side.

Ludwig should have slid over; he didn’t.

“Handsome is a lie.” He loosened his tie he couldn’t breathe.

“Okay Ludwig.” Feliciano sounded so strange and Ludwig turned just a little to look at him. 

Their lips met, he wasn’t sure whose fault it was, but it happened. Feliciano’s lips were warm and dry, rough because he chewed his bottom lip so often when he concentrated. Ludwig couldn’t apply further analysis because he was scrambling to his feet.

“Ludwig…” Feliciano said slowly holding out his hands.

“No.” 

“Wait,  _ please. _ ” Feliciano sounded desperate.

Ludwig did something he never did, he fled. He took the stairs to the ground floor 2 or 3 at a time stumbling towards the end. He knocked on the window of Feliciano’s car; let it be someone else’s problem. Ludwig had his own. He didn’t know where he was going, just that it needed to be away.

So he ran.

Valencia was a grid, nearly impossible to get lost in, but Ludwig tried. His phone was ringing incessantly  he finally had to stop for air he found himself doubled over, lungs heaving in the central park. He pulled the phone out to silence it he had 16 missed calls all from Feliciano. He considered just throwing his phone into the fountain.

What made him, or anyone else think he could pull this off? What made Feliciano think he wanted to be kissed? Did he want to be kissed? The last point made him a little nauseated. 

Ludwig knew any romantic entanglement was a bad idea. He hadn’t kissed anyone, or fucked anyone, or let himself be interested in any real way, since he was a teenager. It was one of Adolphus' lieutenants twice Ludwig’s age and then some. One sweaty summer out of the lakeshore, out of Adolphus' sight and mind. Or so they thought;It didn’t end well, Ludwig got beaten bloody, he had a scar just under his hairline. He never saw the lieutenant again. Lesson learned, sex was a mistake. It got you attached and getting attached lead to pain. He knew what happened when someone got too attached to a mark too, he saw what happened to Eliza. He lost track of time, pacing around the park dropped the phone when it started ringing again. He couldn’t get enough air. He dug his nails into his forearm.

By the time his heart rate slowed and his breathing got even. It was nearly dawn, and he had scratched his arm bloody. He hadn’t done that in years, hadn't needed it as an anchor. 

Now, he was severely adrift.

He wanted to sleep it off, but the keys to the fake apartment were in the penthouse; there was no way around it. He could just get in, and get back out. He would see the night crew, hopefully they’d leave him alone. Of course, nothing involving Feliciano was ever simple. 

When he arrived the day and night crew were standing clustered around the elevator. They were talking fervently, but stopped as soon as they saw him. They cleared a little path and he entered the elevator to a chorus of ‘good luck’s. He wasn’t prepared for what greeted him. The place was trashed. Furniture was on its side, there were feathers everywhere. He couldn’t figure that one out until he saw a bunch of slashed up pillows; the kitchen was a sea of glass. There was blood smeared on one of the counters which he could trace to a wine bottle that had been uncorked with a knife.

He carefully made his way upstairs, but not so carefully that Feliciano wouldn’t know he was there. He didn’t want a knife to the throat. Or maybe he did. He tried to call out but his voice wasn’t working. The door to the bedroom was cracked and he pushed it open cautiously with one foot. Feliciano  was half-on and half-off his bed, half-dressed, and he had half-assed wrapped up his bloody hand. There were several more bottles of wine smashed on the floor. Ludwig deliberately stepped on a piece of one;Feliciano raised his head just enough to see him.

He laughed it was a real one, hysterical, “You came back.”

“Of course I did.” Ludwig didn’t have anywhere else to go. Failure wasn’t an option. He made his way to the bed and pushed Feliciano all the way onto it.

He grabbed Ludwig’s injured arm and Ludwig hissed, Feliciano sat up to look at it, “ I’m so sorry, I’m stupid. I’m so stupid and I’m sorry. Fuck I like you, and that was a bad idea. But everything hurts now I don’t feel normal after everything that---”

Ludwig silenced him by pressing his lips to Feliciano’s. It was clumsy, and probably the worst decision Ludwig would ever make. It was very effective though. He could see the tension leave Feliciano’s body. Feliciano hadn’t let go of his arm and Ludwig tried to pry his hands off and only succeeded in hurting both of them. Feliciano yanked back his half bandaged hand, then looked at Ludwig’s arm, he ghosted his fingers down one of the scratches.

“That looks like it hurts. Let me--” He started to sit up.

“Yours is likely worse. Lay down. We  can worry about all of it later.” We?  _  We? _ They were not a ‘we’.

“Okay,” Feliciano took a deep breathe, “will you still be here if I fall asleep?”

“Yes.” To prove he meant it Ludwig laid down next to him and pressed their foreheads together.

“We’re fucked up.” Feliciano said after a minute.

Ludwig nodded in agreement. There it was again, ‘we’.  _ We _ are going to tear each other apart.  _ We  _ are going to ruin each other.  _ We  _ will not survive this.  _ We  _ are fucked up, and totally fucked. 

Ludwig ran the back of his hand down Feliciano’s face, tried to imagine choking him. He kissed him instead.

Completely, and totally, fucked.

  
  
  
  



End file.
